Our thoughts....One year later

I remember the moment very well.  A little over a year ago, I was alone in my van driving down the road....and this song came on over the radio:

Halfway through the song I had to pull into a nearby parking lot....and tears started pouring down my face.  It was clear to me....that this song....was Ryan and I.  We were 12 years into our marriage...and we were in trouble.  I loved this man....and he loved me....but sometimes, love is simply not enough.  We had three very small boys....we were both incredibly busy....and we had put our marriage last.  My fear was that one day I would look over at him...and I would have no idea who he was anymore.  That maybe one day....our marriage would be too much work.....and we would cut our losses and walk away.

A month or so later, I decided to give up Facebook for Lent....and in that time I discovered Dd.  Ryan and I sit here a year later....and we don't recognize the couple that I agonized over in that empty parking lot.  Those two people no longer exist.  We have truly become one....I don't know how else to explain it.   Those of you who live this lifestyle know that it comes with a lot of soul searching....talking.....and learning.  There is no handbook for how this should be done....there is no right or wrong.  What there is....is two people....who decide that good enough is no longer acceptable....and set out to build a marriage that will stand a lifetime.  That is what we wanted.  And I think that is what we have now.

The changes that we have made together have not been easy.  My gosh, this has been the hardest thing either one of us have set out to do.  We essentially rebuilt our marriage from the bottom up...because it was that broken.  The funny thing is....we had no idea how bad it was.....until we saw how good it could be.  No part of our life has been untouched.  Ttwd is as much a part of us as breathing.  It is not lost on either one of us that we would have never been blessed with our little Gracie without all of this.  Our marriage was such a mess....intimacy was something I very rarely even thought about.  Now, we jokingly call Grace our little Dd lovechild ;)

So, to celebrate our one year....I asked Ryan to be a part of this blog....and he graciously agreed to answer some questions.  So without further ado.....heeeeeere's Ryan:

1.  What did you think when I first brought Dd to you?

I thought my wife was crazy.  As you all probably know by now she sometimes has a hard time explaining what she is trying to do or is thinking about. (Who me??)  I remember her telling me that there was something she wanted to tell me, but couldn't.  Then eventually she told me.... and I was still very confused because I had know idea what  this was all about. 

Okay yes, this is very true.  I was embarrassed.....but I am proud to say....here I sit a year later....and I can say the words spank and submissive without blushing furiously or calling them the "S" words....I call that progress ;)

2.  What has been the hardest part of doing ttwd?

I think I struggle with the punishment side of ttwd the most.  I think deep down none of us want to spank our wives for punishment.  We might like to spank  for other reasons, but that is a different subject all together.(THIS is not that kinda blog...well maybe it is....grrrr! Moving on....)  So I struggle with should I spank her for this.... or should I give her another warning.  I know that if I don’t follow through with my warnings, all of what I have said will be thrown out the window, but I do not want to hurt her.  I struggle with this weekly if not daily. (Daily?? I am NOT that bad!)

3.  What do you wish you would have known when we first started?

I am really glad that I didn't know a lot about what Lucy was telling me. That way I had no predetermined ideas of how this should be done.  It kind of allowed me to experience it for what it is.  I’m really surprised how close it has made us, and I would not trade that for anything. But if I had known how we were going to end up, I might not have paid attention to the ride.  And all of this to me has definitely been about the getting there.

4.  What is the biggest change you have noticed in yourself?

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence.  This ttwd has me believing I can do anything.  I used to be a little nervous to try new things, or be worried what others might think. I had a little self-doubt about whether I could do this or that in general.  Now I believe in myself, I look at the world in a different perspective.... and it has touched all aspects of life, not just at home.

5.  What is the biggest change you have noticed in your wife? :)

Willingness to serve. Its seems no matter what I ask....no matter how big or small... you will do it for me.  Before you would be like do it yourself or moan and groan about doing it.  Your change has led me to try and help you more with some of the chores around the house when I have time.

I do not recall this moaning and groaning that you speak of....wait...what?  I am not allowed to lie anymore??  Shoot!  That's right....I may have groaned ever so slightly...better?  Moving on here...next question....

6.  What advice would you give a husband just starting out?

I know ttwd sounds weird now. Just give it some time and before you know it....it will feel like an old hat.  When you get confused or evolve to a new step in ttwd,  pray for guidance and open your heart to your wife. With some prayer and time it will figure itself out....it does get easier.

7.  Is there anything you wish I would have done differently in the beginning?

No, I am happy where we are. If we had done it differently, we may not be where we are right now.

8.  What is the biggest change you have seen in us?

Our closeness.

Well since he was so wordy with his answer I will chime in.  He is right....before we started ttwd I would describe me as cold and him as indifferent.  I always seemed to be mad about something....and he always seemed to be a million miles away.  We go to sleep now every night with me tucked underneath his arm....and if I fail to scoot my way to him when I first get in bed...he grabs me around the waist and says, "get your cute little a$$ over here"....so endearing...don't ya think? It seems funny to me, because when he used to have to work overnight a few days a week...I actually enjoyed sleeping in an empty bed without him....now...good Lord I cannot sleep without him in the room.  I think that is one of my favorite changes....we need each other in ways we never did before.  We like to be near one another...we touch often throughout the day...my gosh...I crave his affection in ways I never knew possible.  Random times throughout the day I will seek him out for a hug or crawl in his lap and lay my head on his chest. I have never felt as safe as I do since this all began.

9.  Is your wife really the angel that she claims to be?

 She is pretty good.  I don’t know if I would call her an angel all the time, but she is definitely a saint.  She does a lot for me and the rest of our family we are truly blessed to have her in our lives.

I am far from saint...my Lord after the week I have had...Sheesh!

10. Are you really as bossy as your wife says that you are?

I am not sure how to answer this.  I have not taken the time to read everything she has written about me.  I’m sure I can come across as bossy sometimes, but isn’t that part of ttwd?(Apparently it is...because you sure do have that part down to a science!)  I feel that I am adjusting to my role of HoH very comfortably, and if that is considered bossy.... then I am guilty as charged. Grrrr!

So, there you have it.  After a year...Ryan finally gets his say.  He said he enjoyed answering the questions....and I feel like a learned some new things about him along the way.  Maybe I will get brave again and send him some more to answer...this was kinda fun ;)  Before we go...we would both like to thank those of you who have helped us out along the way. We have learned a lot from the people in this community.