Sassy McSoreBottom

Yes, you read that correctly....that is the new name that my beloved bestowed upon yours truly.  I guess it is only fair I lovingly (okay sometimes not so lovingly) refer to him as Mr. Bossypants.  He is growing more and more confident in his role as the head of our little family....which means my list of unapproved behavior is also growing.  Sigh......

Apparently at the top of the list of unapproved behavior is to call your husband a name.....eeek....yes, really.  You would think 8 months into ttwd that would be clear.  What can I say?  I guess I am a sloooow and slightly stubborn learner :)

We had just gotten back from a funeral viewing when I made my little mistake.  We did not have our crazy herd of boys with us....and well, I was a little cranky after the days events.  I might have been pushing Ryan.....just  a smidge.  You know, doing things that were in the gray area as to what is acceptable versus what is unacceptable.  Why oh why do I do this?  Have I not learned that that is the equivalent of poking a big angry bear with a stick?  So there I am...poking away....and just waiting for a reaction.  We were walking up the driveway, when out of nowhere....he grabbed my elbow, swatted my behind, and told me to behave.  I have to say I hate those kind of swats...you know the one and done...meant to send a warning kind of thing.  They make me mad......

So with as much maturity as I could muster (which apparently was not a lot) I stomped up the driveway and muttered under my breath that he was acting like a jerk.  <~~~~~Did you catch my mistake.....eeek....even worse, it was not nearly as quiet as I thought it was.  Thinking that all was well in Lucy land, I went on into the house to greet the boys and get into some comfy clothes.  Up the stairs I go, and into my closet where I think I am safe.  As I turn to walk out Ryan appears in the door......looking very much like a big angry bear who had been poked with the aforementioned stick.....not good.  I try to scoot past him and he lets me know that we need to "talk" in the closet....I point out that I would rather talk in our room where it is safer (for me AND more importantly my hiney).

What follows is our conversation:

Would you care to repeat what you said to me outside?

Um, I don't know (and the sad thing is I had no clue what he was talking about)

Really?  You called me a jack@##.

(gasping...hands over mouth)  No!  Honey I swear I did not say THAT!

Well, what did you say to me?  And don't you dare lie.

Well, it wasn't that I promise.......

If you don't want to tell me the truth, then I am going to go ahead and spank you as if that is what you said....is THAT what you want?

No.....sigh....I said you were a jerk.........

And you think that is any better?

Well, not now....but then...maybe....sigh.....


So, at this point I know I am in for it....and I know it is going to be bad....as in punishment....and I go into panic mode.  He had me bent over a shelf in my closet....he flips up my dress...and I yell...."Wait....wait.....I didn't say you were a jerk....I said you were acting like one."  And somehow, I thought THAT was going to help my cause.  It only seemed to add fuel to his fire. Smacks began to rain down on my bottom along with a lecture about respect that reduced me to tears.  I heard the words disappointed, disrespectful....and unacceptable.  It was not a lot of fun for either of us.  But as always, when it was over...he held me on his lap and wiped my tears....and said all was forgiven.

The next morning, I was downstairs in a huff at the table trying to get some paperwork finished.  He was standing at the counter and said, "Sassy McSoreBottom....you better simmer down or we will make another trip up the stairs and right into your closet."  I looked over at him and he had the typical HOHy look...complete with the one arched eyebrow....but he also had a tiny smile spread across his face.  I grinned back at him....and may have thrown a dishtowel his way....but then I got up and hugged the big bear.....and realized how lucky I was to have him....even when I end up in the closet ;)